cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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