she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
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