It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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