This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You ate ashes out of my bong
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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