I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
