Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
