I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
