So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
