all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
false alarm. still invincible.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
