Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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