sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
