he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Randomize
