I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
