I molested 6 butterflies tonight
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
