Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
