Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
