Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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