please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize