my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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