i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Randomize
