Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
