Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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