I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
