dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
