One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
