sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
