im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
