If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
