I'm going to jail i love you
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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