Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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