Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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