That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
