That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
