Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
