Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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