I showed him my bush... on skype.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
