forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
