At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
