In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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