She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
