my vag is so smooth its legendary
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
