I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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