I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
