Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
