it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
