Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize