So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
