I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Come see our sink grown plant.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
