bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
