glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
