What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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