Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
