is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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