she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
