he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
