Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
