you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Send help, water and tortillas.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
