it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
