oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
