so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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