Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
When did angry sex become our thing?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize