I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
