"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
