Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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