this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
