So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
