are you still at the devil's house?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
The Olympian is in my bed
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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