so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
YAS. BRING CRAB.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize