Can i not drive my cunt home
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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