I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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