Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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